[23-05-12] Stressful situation x3

Can't remember.

Must have felt quite bored and angry.

The thought must have been: "They don't need me" and "I do not deserve their love."

The background in my head must have been the scene of me killing myself somehow and dead lol

It is usaully impulsive. But since I'm clean for more than two months (and scars faded *yay*) so now I mostly just think about it.

Usual way yeah. Utility knife.

I feel horrible. Period. Exam stress. Want to cut but want to be clean at the same time.

-----



Yeah I feel an impulse to hurt myself violently some how right now. Might bite myself to get some bruises. Love them these days.

And then, exam. And I am a big failure. And I did not try hard enough. I'm a loser. Kill me.

Funniest things around

Welll I love MArk Gatiss and Sherlock Holmes and Benedict Cumberbatch and all that. But I am stress now and need some physical contact. Sadly enough I don't have anyone around at the moment. Might just hug my teddy bear. It's so hard to be clean 4 months a year, isn't it ? But for the sake of parent's well being, I should be clean and healthy when I got home lol.

And pray to god they never find out I have this blog, and/or they don't bother translating these from English.